When I was 6 years old I got a horse for my birthday and a black English racer bike. My parents took me and several friends to the circus. It was quite a birthday. I can remember my neighbor, Beth Shafter walking up the road to my home with Jean in halter and handing me the lead. It was love at first sight. Jean was to be my best friend and confidant for the next 15 years.
I had wanted a horse ever since I first rode Jean at the Shafers. Britta, Beth’s daughter let me ride jean every time I came for a visit. In fact it was one of the major reasons why I wanted to visit Britta so much. Beth must have seen the love I had for Jean and the longing I had at such an early age for a horse. Britta and I would be friends throughout elementary school and then when junior high came, she would go to a different school and out of my life forever.
Jean would be with me for many more years. I started out riding her with just her halter and a hay bay twine tied underneath her chin. She was a beautiful chestnut color with black mane and tail and I loved to brush her coat and comb her mane and tail. It was a pre-riding ritual for the two of us. It wasn’t long before I acquired a real bridle and saddle. We would go for long rides at every chance and I would talk and sing to her as we rode through the woods of the Moyaone Reserve.
My Dad loved to sing and would teach us all the tunes he knew from his youth and young adulthood. He loved to teach us songs as we rode in the car. It was one of his favorite pastimes and we loved to learn his songs and sing too. I would practice all these songs riding on Jean and she would twitch her ears back to listen as I sang. It was such a great sense of freedom to ride and sing and breath in the surrounding nature. The woods were beautiful at all times of the year. I especially loved spring when all the wild flowers would spring out of the ground. It became a game to go riding just to see the newest flowers that decked out the floor of the forests and edges of streambeds that Jean and I would explore. The forest would become my ally and serve as a refuge in times of happiness and disappointment. Growing up is filled with such a range of emotions and the trees took them in and swallowed them and let me move on in my life and jean was right there with me.
I can still remember that cold, star filled winter night. I was only 6 but I can still see the blue black night sky filled with stars. I was sitting on Jean’s back in the driveway and looking up at the sky mesmerized by all the stars. It was in that moment that I knew I was part of something much larger. Even at such a young age, I was filled with an awe and wonder. I sat on Jean’s back for a long time just staring up at the sky and feeling the universe cradle me in her arms. Jean and I dissolved into nothingness and we traveled through the universe deep into space and timelessness. It was the first time I remember wondering who I really was and what I was doing here. What was my purpose? The peace and joy of that moment still sits insides me and moves me to explore the deeper meaning and purpose of my being. And although Jean has long passed, she is here with me too, breathing warm air on my neck and encouraging me to keep moving and exploring and riding through the forests of my life’s path. There are wild flowers springing up and new trails and streams to explore with each moment. Jean opened my heart to the universe and my soul and as I travel my cosmic chart she is nosing me on to open to deeper and wilder spaces inside myself where all creation exists and waits to be uncovered through words.
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